Sunday, July 24, 2011

Barry O'Bama and The Folktale of Obama's Bluff

Share on Tumblr
   
Well Howdy there boys and girls It's me Pappy! I'm gonna tell you a tale of one of America's famous folk heroes: Barry O'Bama.  Yep Sure as shootin Old Barry is famous for many adventures such as creating the oceans with his spit and planting the groves of hope and change orchards we see all across the countryside. But today I'm gonna be tellin ya the Story of how Debt Mountain was made. What's That? You thought it was always there? Ho ho ho no it was made by the mighty Barry O'Bama.

    Well it was at one of Barry's Hope and Change Orchards where the whole affair started.  Old Barry was tending to his crop of Hope & Change fruit that would feed the villagers.  His fruit was said to be whatever the person wanted it to be but it usually rotted once it fell off the tree. But most of the villagers didn't have no taste buds so I reckon it didn't bother them none.  One Day an Evil Oil Barron named John Boehner wanted to take old Debt Ceiling Creek, which run right by Barry's land, and divert it into Old Barry's orchard. 
      "This here Crick needs to be moved further south!", said Mr. Boehner, "And I mean to be the man who does it!"
     See Old Man Boehner was the Meanest Barron this side of the crick.  He would sooner try to lower your taxes than look at ya. He once tried to tell Americans that they could handle their own Healthcare! Crazy as a loon, did I mention that?  
     Well O'Bama weren't gonna hear none of it!  He picked up a hickory tree and pointed it at Mr. Boehner and shouted, "You ain't movin that crick no where! In fact I reckon I mean to move that crick farther north!"  And with that O'Bama picked up that Crick and gave it a flick like a whip so the Old Evil Oil Barron knew he meant business.
     "Look a Here Barry me and my boys ain't movin from here till you move this crick south!", said Mr. Boehner.
     Barry did not like this one bit.  He knew that that crick transported his hope & change fruit to mill.  So he devised a plan.  And he climbed up on the highest bluff.
     He looked down on Mr Boehner and he said, "You best be movin if you know what's good for ya."
     Mr. Boehner stood his ground.
     "Well don't say you tweren't warned", said Barry.  O'Bama went to the nearby town of Social Securi City and gathered up all the citizens.  He took em to the top of that there bluff and started pitchin em over.  Them towns folk were pourin over that bluff like Moonshine out a jug.
     When Barry ran out of Social Securitians he went and got him some folks from Militaryville,  Govt worker village, and other places.  Well those people started pilin' up at the bottom of that crick and got higher and higher.  Mr. Boehner had to get out of the way of all them folks flyin off that bluff like sacks of potatoes.
     That pile got so high that it turned it to what we know today as Debt Mountain.  Old Barry climbed to the top of that there mountain and said, "Told ya not to call my 'bluff'!"  and laughed!  His laugh was so loud that it cracked the north pole right in two and snow started fallin on the sun. And that's why we don't have Global warming today.
     Well I'm glad you could come listen to Old Pappy today.  Next time I'll tell you about the time Old Barry ate an entire barrel of pork and crapped out something called Obamacare.

SECRET SERVICE AGENT: Excuse me Mr. Vice President, but who are you talking to?

VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN:  Awww, Marmalade and molasses! I've been caught again!
Yeeeeeehaawwwww!

      
     

3 comments:

  1. Matt ... this is hilarious ... one of your best yet! Keep 'em coming.

    Al Pipkin

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for the laugh! I'm passing this along -

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dems seem to think so much like cartoon characters, so why not depict them as such?
    Funniest thing I've read in quite a while.

    ReplyDelete