Monday, August 8, 2011
How to Put Out a Fire: A Democrats Guide
Here is the Scenario. We are of course assuming you are a Democrat and you come home from a long day from Washington DC. Oh No! You find that a House is starting to catch on fire! But don't worry it is only a small flame. We can take care of that, can't we. What do you do?
Step 1: Observe the fire. This may take a while so take as much time as you need.
Step 2: Form a committee of your neighbors to talk about the best ways to put out the fire.
Step 3: Contact the Media to show how the Fire is devastating the community and the people inside the house.
Step 4: The Fire is starting to spread now is time to take action. Find a jug of Gasoline and throw it on the spreading fire. At this point the fire may seem to get larger but don't worry you have it entirely under control.
Step 5: Light another part of the house on fire. No better way to fight fire but with fire, right?
Step 6: The Fire is probably raging at this point. The People inside are probably starting to worry. This is the best time to move more people into the house. Try putting them in rooms that are closest to the fire.
Step 7: By now you will most likely have run into a pesky Republican trying to put water on the fire. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS THIS TO HAPPEN, THIS COULD BE DANGEROUS AND CAUSE FURTHER DAMAGE TO THE HOUSE. At most offer to let him put some water on the fire only if you can put more gasoline on it.
Step 8: Improvisation is key. Find explosives or combustibles to toss in to the house.
Step 9: The house is blazing at this point and there may be no way to get the people out of the house in time. Offer to get them out next year after your next election. This will offer the occupants Hope.
Step 10: Now this is crucial. The House is likely engulfed by this point. Find someone preferably a conservative to blame for starting the fire and not putting it out.
Well the house is smoldering right now and probably in ashes but it's ok because you're a Democrat and you had the best intentions all the time.