CSPAN: We now take to the 51st Annual Conference of Terrorists Unite for Radical Domination or T.U.R.D.
This year's meeting is being held in Boca Raton, FL at the Sunnyside Beach Resort and Conference Center. This year's guest speaker is Vice President Joe Biden. He is giving a speech today in order to persuade the existing members of induction of a new member. Let's join the broadcast already in progress.
JOE BIDEN: Thank you, Thank you for such a warm welcome. I am so glad I got to make it to this year's meeting. Last year's meeting at the United Nations building was great but where else are you going to get this kind of weather but Florida! Am I right!
AUDIENCE: [APPLAUSE] You tell it Joe!
JOE BIDEN: Ha! Thank you. You're great Pablo! Hope your enjoying that crate of M-16s I sent you for Christmas!
PABLO: You Know It Joe! Maria says Hi!
JOE BIDEN: You bet! Now, I come to you today with a serious matter. Your ranks are some of the most fearsome terrorists in the world. You bring down governments and destroy 1000's of innocent lives. I would be remiss if I did not bring to your attention a new Terrorist group that I want you to consider for induction into T.U.R.D. I speak of the evil organization that we know in America as the Tea Party. And I know that through.....
AHMED: Excuse Mister Vice President.
JOE BIDEN: Oh Yes Ahmed. You have a question?
AHMED: The Tea Party? Are you talking about all those people that stand around in Washington DC holding signs that say "Hands off my Healthcare" and "Taxed Enough Already"?
BIDEN: Yep the Same.
AHMED: The Same Tea Party that has all the Old Ladies and people dressed up costumes and wear white wigs?
|The Face of Ultimate Evil|
BIDEN: Yes they are a menace or infinite proportion. America might not survive their style of attack.
BIDEN: What?! These people want to bring down the American way of Life!
KIM JONG IL: Excuse me Mr. President. Are they starting to Blow up government buildings?
AHMED: Or maybe they blow themselves up? Omar did that this morning! Tell them Omar! Oh wait. He's not here.
ESTEBAN: Maybe they have started beheading people that have gotten in their way?
BIDEN: No they haven't done any of that! They are trying to prevent us from passing a bill that would ensure that we are able to pay for much needed social projects for our nations poor. It would of course increase our deficit but they have to look big picture. There has to be some sacrifice. Taxes will go up. Inflation most likely will too. But we have no choice.
AHMED: The American Poor?! "Oh look at me I am Poor American. I have three meals a day while playing my 2 X-Boxes on my Flat Screen TV." My nations poor has to eat something they found in the dump. Catching it is the entertainment!
BIDEN: I think you are being a little insensitive. You don't know how crazy these Tea Partiers are.
KIM JONG IL: Insensitive? You Americans are light weights! You consider a bunch of old ladies and people with signs that want to make sure they're children's future is secure, Terrorists? You are a funny man Joe Biden!
ESTEBAN: Yes if you were to tell us that this "Tea Party" was trying to bring down the Government from within, with...I don't know maybe... collapsing the economic system through failed policies.
AHMED: Or Maybe strapping their Grandchildren with so much debt they would be slaves to the state for decades! That would be a terrorist!
ESTEBAN: Or controlling every aspect of their lives right down to what they should eat and wear. That is a good dictator!
KIM JONG IL: Wait a minute. Are you thinking what I'm thinking Ahmed?
AHMED: I am! Joe Biden for your continued efforts to destroy the Great Satan, America, from within we officially make you a honorary member of T. U. R. D.
ESTEBAN: Hey Joe, make sure to tell your boss to come next week! We're having a pot luck dinner at Pablo's house.
PABLO: Si I make Casserole! Es muy Bueno!