MEL: Good Afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen and welcome to another Gridiron classic of the Washington Football League! I am as always your Play by Play announcer Mel Busburger and with me as always is Color commentator Herb Kipstreet! And do we have a game for you today.
|Mel and Herb: The First names in Sports|
HERB: That's right Mel its the Washington Democrats versus the US Recession. And it is going to be a barnstormer of epic proportions!
MEL: The Washington Democrats have had a few bad seasons since Quarterback Barry Obama took over the reins under center. The Owners have not been happy about it and would like to see a turnaround this season or I fear that Barry might be looking for a new job.
HERB: You're absolutely right Mel. Obama says that there is a new game plan in place that he thinks he can deliver the much needed championship that this team wants.
MEL: Well there are in for a tough game today. The US Recession has bested the Democrats three years in a row. They are going to really have to step it up in order to have success this game. Before the game we caught up with the Obama to give us an idea of what's in store today.
[Roll Tape of interview]
HERB: Barry, give us what your assessment of what we're going to see on the field today.
BARRY OBAMA: Well first off I would like to thank someone today before we start. Someone that is number one in my life. Someone that makes everyday worth living. That would be me. Thank you me. Next, I want to give thanks to the big guy, the one that uplifts me every time we go on the field. That would also be me. Praise be to me.
As far as today's game goes, let me be clear, uhm I am the one we've been waiting for.
|All Praise to Me|
HERB: Thanks champ!
[Back to the Studio]
MEL: As you can see he seems really pumped for today's game. And here they come to the field. Looks like the Democrats have won the toss and will receive.
HERB: This is going to be as exciting as watching an Illegal Amish Street Buggy Race! Nitro Baby!
MEL: Ok.....Herb.....Uhm anyway. There's the kick and it's a high one it looks like, well what do ya know Barry Obama is the returner and he catches the ball at the 20 yard line. And he is running BACKWARDS TOWARD HIS OWN ENDZONE AND TAKES A KNEE AT HIS OWN 10!
HERB: I've Never seen that before Mel.
MEL: That is a different tactic for sure. The Referee has spotted the ball at the 10 yard line and...wait it looks like Obama has corrected the ref and asked that the ball be moved to the 8 yard line.
HERB: Not sure I know what's going on Mel.
MEL: Well I guess we will all have to see what Obama has up his sleeve. He is getting up under center.
OBAMA: Stimulus 1, Stimulus 2, Hut hut HUT!
MEL: Obama steps back and TAKES OFF THROUGH HIS OWN END ZONE.
HERB: That is a safety Mel. That is not good. 2 points for the Recession. This is as Crazy as an Armadillo dressed as Turkey Sandwich on a Toilet! Whiskers and Crumbcake!
|Typical Democrat Play|
HERB: Here comes the Defense.
MEL: The Recession is in the shotgun. There's the Snap. and WHOA! OBAMA IS INSTRUCTING THE TEAM TO LAY DOWN ON THE GROUND! This is Unprecedented! THE RECESSION HAS EASILY RUN BY THE COMPETITION INTO THE ENDZONE!
HERB: That was more Thrilling than watching my dog lick the peanut butter off my Grandma's Thigh Shingles!
MEL: Really Herb?! Really! Thigh Shingles?
HERB: It's true.
|Not a good sign when Garafalo is the "Looks" of the squad.|
MEL: Obama is under center and takes the snap and HANDS IT OFF TO THE OPPOSING TEAM! WHOA NELLIE! NOW OBAMA IS MAKING BLOCKS FOR THE DEFENDER AS THE RECESSION MAKES ITS WAY INTO THE ENDZONE!
HERB: This is Sadder than when you come to the bottom of your belly button and there's no more lint.
MEL: Sigh...................Why do I work with you?
[4 quarters later]
MEL: Well that is the end of a game full of Headscratchers and goof ups. Final score US Recession: 14 Trillion and The Washington Democrats at -9%. I did not even know you could score negative numbers....or percentages. Well this is a game of firsts. Let's go down to the field and talk to Obama.
HERB: Hey Champ. What happened out there today?
OBAMA: Well we tried our best but we just didn't realize how tough a team out there it was. I mean if the previous roster didn't beat them so many times we may have had a chance.
HERB: Do you think that you were somehow responsible for today's loss?
OBAMA: Absolutely not! If anyone I blame the owners. They are the ones that should be apologizing for our loss today. They just have not given me the tools I need to effectively win this game.
HERB: Thanks Champ! That interview was as confusing as Blue Man Group performing at a Color Blind Convention. Back to you Mel!
MEL: Herb. Really? Is Bradshaw available? Please, I can't do this anymore.
The Morlock Revolt