May 2008: Las Cruces, NM Memorial Day talk. Obama sees Dead Warriors.
....rumors of a man so powerful he can talk to the dead...
November 2008: Obama says he has talked to all of the Presidents.
...he even gives awards to the dead...
June 2011: Obama "mistakenly" says he met and awarded a Dead Medal of Honor Recipient.
...speaks of the ancient ones known as corpsemen...
....Only one conclusion can be drawn from these supposed mistakes...
Barack Obama, born to a Kenyan Warlord, raised up by witch doctors, trained in the Dark Arts, He is the President Warlock that can commune with the Dead. He is Barack Obama-Necromancer! His secret identity is known to a select few.
We join Master Obama in the Oval Office where is to be interviewed by a popular magazine.
WHITE HOUSE SECRETARY: Mr. President your 2:00 appointment is here, the reporter from Teen Beat magazine to interview you about your daughters.
OBAMA: Oh yes send her in.
OBAMA: Ok she's gone. Anyway Karl I was playing Wii Bowling with Lenin the other day and I totally kicked his butt...
TEEN BEAT REPORTER JESSICA COLLINS: Hello Mr. President.....oh I'm so sorry I didn't realize you were on the phone I can come back.
OBAMA: No no no I wasn't on the phone. Come in come in. Excuse me one second though....Hey I'll talk to you later Karl. Tell Josef I said What's up.
JESSICA: Ugh ok. uhm. Who were you talking to?
OBAMA: Hmm? Oh no one.
JESSICA: Well Ok. I'm here to talk about your relationship with your daughters Sasha and Malia. And what it takes....uhm Mr. President....are you smoking.
OBAMA: Oh no no it's just a little Brimstone. It helps me concentrate. Just ignore it.
JESSICA: Ok. Anyway Let's talk about your Daddy's night out with your daughters. That sounds so much.....AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! A BIRD IS ON MY HEAD!
OBAMA: That's actually a raven. Come to me my precious. Yes that's a good boy. Here have some bat's wing I picked up this morning.
JESSICA: OK WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE!
OBAMA: Damn. I knew my secret would come out sooner or later. Teen Beat. Humph. I figured my minions in the media would never figure it out. I, my dear, am the magical Warlock known as The Necromancer!
JESSICA: You're what?!
OBAMA: I commune with the spirits, cast spells, animate the dead, you know, the usual.
JESSICA: This is crazy! You mean to tell me that you have been a warlock this entire time and no one knows?
OBAMA: Well it's hard for people to find out when I have them all under my trance.
JESSICA: You mean Metaphorically? Right?
OBAMA: No I literally put them all under my trance. The Media wasn't that hard I just said I was a Democrat and 'Poof' "We will do as you command master." hahahaha......sheep.
JESSICA: And How do you do that?
OBAMA: Like this.
JESSICA: Yes Master What is your bidding.......uh oh...Wait a minute....Oh my God! You just hypnotized me!
OBAMA: No I cast a spell on you much different.
JESSICA: Are You really a Warlock?
RAVEN: Cawwww. Yes he is! Cawww
OBAMA: Oh Joe! You're much more useful as a bird than as Vice President.
JESSICA: Wait your bird talks and It's Vice President Biden.
OBAMA: Yeah. I changed him into a Raven. He just made too many gaffes. The Biden you see is actually a golem I reanimated from a dead donkey.
SECRETARY: Mr. President. AFL-CIO Head Richard Trumka is here.
OBAMA: Ok send him in. Here ya go Joe have some Eye of Newt. hahahah Remember where we got that from?
BIDEN the RAVEN: CAWWW...Newt....hahahahaha CAWWWW
TRUMKA: Hello My Dark Master your Zombie army has been prepared. It awaits your command.
OBAMA: Uh duh... Unions! SEIU, AFL-CIO, Teacher's Unions. Yep all Zombies. They do my bidding at my command.
JESSICA: What about the liberal people in San Francisco?
OBAMA: Nah they're just gullible.
JESSICA: This is just too much to fathom.
OBAMA: That's ok most people come to just accept it. Oh I'm sorry but I have to go to a Seance I am conducting, We'll have to continue this interview later.
JESSICA: Seance? Who Died?
OBAMA: The Economy.