Thursday, September 29, 2011

Herman Cain Movie Posters

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*See Disclaimer at bottom.



*All these pics are for fun and am in no way advocating violence. If you think that, you are obviously an idiot, and Please go play with your Day of Rage and stink up wall street and/or your Grandma's basement. Thank you and Enjoy.

-The Morlock Revolt © 2011

Sunday, September 25, 2011

The Progressive Hulk!!!!!!!!

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Tales from the Progressive Crypt Presents one of the strangest tales of idiocy yet, "The Days of Rage."  On September 17th, 2011 many morons came together to protest something, ....I think Wall Street or money or something, I don't know, they probably don't either. But anyway here is a story of an improbable event that occurred during those pointless days.  We at The Morlock Revolt Present :"THE PROGRESSIVE HULK!"



-The Morlock Revolt © 2011



Sunday, September 18, 2011

Camp Awanalacka Freedom

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Hello Parents, are you looking for a place for your kids to go during the summer? Do you have an unruly kid that has just a little too much freedom? Well do we have the place for you!

Camp Awanalacka Freedom is the newest place for ReEducational fun! 

Situated in the hills of Scenic Washington DC, Camp Awanalacka Freedom is here to reeducate even your toughest cases.


We can turn this:


Into this!


Wow! That is amazing!

We have a ton of fun activities for the kids!

Like Arts and Crafts!


Come sit by the campfire as we roast...

UNREEDUCATED KID: Marshmallows?

No! Spouts!

UNREEDUCATED KID: Sprouts?

YES! Sprouts!  But we call them Sprout-Mallows! They're the First Lady's Favorite!





YUM!  Sprout-Mallows!

Your kids will also learn team building Skills like Canoeing.

UNREEDUCATED KID 2: Yay! I love Canoeing!

Great! Here's a paddle you'll be doing all the rowing while these other kids get to relax in the boat and watch you do all the work.

UNREEDUCATED KID 2:  I changed my mind I'm afraid of the water.

Uh uh uh There's no opting out of this. NOW START PADDLING!

Now if you are worried about safety, well don't! Our facility is surrounded by Electrified Razor wire fences. No one is getting into this camp, or getting out.

Here are some kids that loved it. Hey Bobby why don't you tell us about your Experience at Camp Awanalacka Freedom.

BOBBY:  From Each According to his Ability to each according to his need....

Great Bobby! Now as I was saying...

BOBBY:  We are not to touch the good potatoes, those are for the counselors....

Ha ha Bobby now go on now.

BOBBY:  I haven't slept in 3 days. Why are there shovels smiling at me? Stop it Bobby! No Good Potatoes for You!

Guards! Take him!

BOBBY: NOOOO! I'll be good! I'll be gooooood!

 Your Kids are gonna Love it here!

And Parents if you missed our deadline this year Don't Worry! ReEducation Facilities are located at a Public School near you!



The Morlock Revolt © 2011


Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Obama's Going on a Job Hunt!!!

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Professional Job Hunters

Next on the Hunting Channel we join Barack Obama and Joe Biden in the newest episode of Beltway Hunters!

OBAMA:  Well Joe, we're back again to help Taxpayers find the elusive prey known as the Job.

BIDEN: JOBS!

OBAMA:  Well we have an Average Unemployed Taxpayer, uhm....

TAXPAYER:  Greg.

OBAMA: Right! Greg! Greg you're unemployed is that correct?

GREG:  Yeah, for about a year now and I heard that you were the guys I needed to come to to find a job.

OBAMA:  Oh you're right about that! You have come to the professionals.

BIDEN: JOBS!

OBAMA: Now the "Job" is a slippery animal that can only be captured with government intervention. Right Joe?

BIDEN: JOBS!

GREG: Is that all he says?

OBAMA: Well it is his favorite three letter word.  Anyway you are going to need some Job Hunting gear.

GREG:  Ok.

OBAMA:  We have a Job Catching Sack and a Job Whacking Stick.

GREG:  Sounds good so far.

BIDEN: JOBS!

OBAMA:  So Why don't you stand over there and hold the Job Catching Sack between your legs. Joe and I are going to flush and catch it in the sack and whack it with the stick.

GREG:  This sounds an awful lot like Snipe Hunting.

OBAMA:  NO! This is very serious work.  Now Joe teach Greg the sound the Job most likes to hear: The Call of the Stimulus.

BIDEN: JOOOOOOOOOOOB Job Job Job Job JOOOOOOOOOOOOOB Job Job Job Job JOOOOOOOOB Job Job Job Job JOOOOOOOOOOOB

GREG: Are you sure this works?

OBAMA:  Hey I'm the President, would I lie to you? Remember I said I have a Laser like focus on Jobs?

GREG: Yeah.

OBAMA: Well, I literally have a laser that tracks Jobs.

BIDEN: Laaaaaser....

OBAMA: Good Joe, You learned a new word! Ok Greg, you ready?

GREG: Absolutely!

OBAMA: Joe and I are going past those bushes and flush those Jobs in your direction. Make sure to remember the Call!

GREG: JOOOOOOOBS Job Job Job Job JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBS Job Job Job Job JOOOOOOOBS Job Job..............

[Two Months Later]

GREG: Jooooooooobs..........job.....job..... here job....where are you.....sigh......Where are they?  I'll just go over here past these bushes where Obama and Biden went.  HEY! WHAT THE HELL! YOU'RE PLAYING GOLF!

OBAMA:  Duh. Where do you think the Jobs are?

BIDEN: JOBS!

GREG: So You've been playing golf this whole time?
Professional Leisure Hunters


OBAMA: No! We've also been to Martha's Vineyard.

GREG: MARTHA'S VINEYARD!  *^%$#@#$%!!!!!!

OBAMA: Job Hunting is REALLY Hard Work.

BIDEN: JOBS!

OBAMA: We're you  doing the call?

GREG: Yes! I was doing the Stupid Call!

OBAMA:  What about the Bill?

GREG: What Bill?!

OBAMA:  You didn't tell your Congressman to Pass the Jobs Bill?

BIDEN: JOBS!

GREG: NO!

OBAMA: Well there's your problem. I said to Pass this Bill Now, Remember?

GREG: No! I don't Remember! All I know is I've been out here for weeks standing with a sack between my legs and a stick over my head yelling JOOOOOBS JOB JOB JOB JOB ! AND THERE ARE NO JOBS!

BIDEN: JOBS!

GREG: WILL YOU SHUT UP! Now Where are the Jobs "LASER MAN"?

OBAMA: Look I know where some Jobs are but you're going to have to wait until after November 2012. So you are really going to have to vote for me.

GREG: Ok I'm out of here! 

BIDEN: jobs?

OBAMA: He's Right. That is annoying. Shut up.
Correct Stance when Job Hunting.


The Morlock Revolt © 2011

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Are You Ready for some BarackBall!!!!!

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MEL: Good Afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen and welcome to another Gridiron classic of the Washington Football League! I am as always your Play by Play announcer Mel Busburger and with me as always is Color commentator Herb Kipstreet! And do we have a game for you today.
Mel and Herb: The First names in Sports

HERB:  That's right Mel its the Washington Democrats versus the US Recession.  And it is going to be a barnstormer of epic proportions!

MEL:  The Washington Democrats have had a few bad seasons since Quarterback Barry Obama took over the reins under center.  The Owners have not been happy about it and would like to see a turnaround this season or I fear that Barry might be looking for a new job.

HERB:  You're absolutely right Mel.  Obama says that there is a new game plan in place that he thinks he can deliver the much needed championship that this team wants.

MEL:  Well there are in for a tough game today. The US Recession has bested the Democrats three years in a row.  They are going to really have to step it up in order to have success this game.  Before the game we caught up with the Obama to give us an idea of what's in store today.

[Roll Tape of interview]

HERB:  Barry, give us what your assessment of what we're going to see on the field today.

BARRY OBAMA:  Well first off I would like to thank someone today before we start. Someone that is number one in my life.  Someone that makes everyday worth living.  That would be me. Thank you me.  Next, I want to give thanks to the big guy, the one that uplifts me every time we go on the field. That would also be me.  Praise be to me.
      As far as today's game goes, let me be clear, uhm I am the one we've been waiting for.

All Praise to Me

HERB: Thanks champ!

[Back to the Studio]

MEL: As you can see he seems really pumped for today's game.  And here they come to the field.  Looks like the Democrats have won the toss and will receive.

HERB:  This is going to be as exciting as watching an Illegal Amish Street Buggy Race! Nitro Baby!

MEL: Ok.....Herb.....Uhm anyway.  There's the kick and it's a high one it looks like,  well what do ya know Barry Obama is the returner and he catches the ball at the 20 yard line.  And he is running BACKWARDS TOWARD HIS OWN ENDZONE AND TAKES A KNEE AT HIS OWN 10!

HERB:  I've Never seen that before Mel.

MEL:  That is a different tactic for sure.  The Referee has spotted the ball at the 10 yard line and...wait it looks like Obama has corrected the ref and asked that the ball be moved to the 8 yard line.

HERB: Not sure I know what's going on Mel.

MEL:  Well I guess we will all have to see what Obama has up his sleeve.  He is getting up under center.

OBAMA: Stimulus 1, Stimulus 2, Hut  hut HUT!

MEL: Obama steps back and TAKES OFF THROUGH HIS OWN END ZONE.

HERB:  That is a safety Mel.  That is not good. 2 points for the Recession. This is as Crazy as an Armadillo dressed as Turkey Sandwich on a Toilet! Whiskers and Crumbcake!

Typical Democrat Play
MEL: Herb.................uhm...nevermind.  Well this means The Democrats will have to kick to the Recession.  There's the kick and looks like it will be taken out to the 20 yard line.

HERB: Here comes the Defense.

MEL:  The Recession is in the shotgun. There's the Snap. and WHOA! OBAMA IS INSTRUCTING THE TEAM TO LAY DOWN ON THE GROUND! This is Unprecedented! THE RECESSION HAS EASILY RUN BY THE COMPETITION INTO THE ENDZONE!

HERB:  That was more Thrilling than watching my dog lick the peanut butter off my Grandma's Thigh Shingles!

MEL: Really Herb?! Really! Thigh Shingles?

HERB: It's true.

Not a good sign when Garafalo is the "Looks" of the squad.
MEL: This game is not going well for the home team.  There's the kickoff and looks like The Democrats are going to start at the 25 yard line.

MEL:  Obama is under center and takes the snap and HANDS IT OFF TO THE OPPOSING TEAM! WHOA NELLIE! NOW OBAMA IS MAKING BLOCKS FOR THE DEFENDER AS THE RECESSION  MAKES ITS WAY INTO THE ENDZONE!

HERB:  This is Sadder than when you come to the bottom of your belly button and there's no more lint.

MEL: Sigh...................Why do I work with you?  

[4 quarters later]

MEL: Well that is the end of a game full of Headscratchers and goof ups. Final score US Recession: 14 Trillion and The Washington Democrats at -9%. I did not even know you could score negative numbers....or percentages. Well this is a game of firsts. Let's go down to the field and talk to Obama.

HERB:  Hey Champ. What happened out there today?

OBAMA:  Well we tried our best but we just didn't realize how tough a team out there it was. I mean if the previous roster didn't beat them so many times we may have had a chance.  

HERB:  Do you think that you were somehow responsible for today's loss?

OBAMA: Absolutely not! If anyone I blame the owners. They are the ones that should be apologizing for our loss today.  They just have not given me the tools I need to effectively win this game.

HERB: Thanks Champ!  That interview was as confusing as Blue Man Group performing at a Color Blind Convention. Back to you Mel!

MEL: Herb. Really? Is Bradshaw available? Please, I can't do this anymore.






The Morlock Revolt

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Everybody Loves StrawMan

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It's time once again time  for everyone's favorite Sitcom; "Everybody Loves StrawMan"


Everybody Loves StrawMan was filmed in front of a Live Studio Audience.

GLADYS:  Hurry with your Chores sweetie, your Father will be home soon.

STRAWMAN:  Honey I'm Home!

Audience: Wooooo YAy! Alright [Applause]

GLADYS:  Oh Honey, How was your day at the office?

STRAWMAN:  Terrific! I was able to shut down 5 Museums and 10 Playgrounds!

GLADYS: That's Wonderful!

STRAWMAN:  That's not the best part!  With the money we saved we'll be able to up production on our 
                           Turbo Smog Smoke Stacks. We'll have the city blanketed in haze within a week!

GLADYS:  Oh Good! Clean air is so annoying!

STRAWMAN: I know! Right? I hate Clean air. Blah.  And the raw sewage from the smoke stacks will go 
                         straight into the drinking supply! Way ahead of schedule!

GLADYS:  Oh I'm so glad you took this job with Koch Industries.

LIL SUSIE:  Hi Daddy.

Audience: Awwwwwwwwww

STRAWMAN: Well hello Susie! How was School?

LIL SUSIE: Ok, I guess. But some of the kids are mean to me.

STRAWMAN:  Don't you worry about that sweetie with the help of my Republican friends in Congress we 
                          are bringing Segregation back.  Those trouble makers will go back to the inner city where 
                          they belong.  Jim Crow here we come!

LIL SUSIE:  Jim Crow?  I don't think he goes to our school.

Audience: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

STRAWMAN: Oh Susie You little Devil.

DICK CHENEY: Knock knock, did somebody say my name?

Audience: WOOOOOO! Dick! Wooooooo! [Applause]

GLADYS:  Well Dick Cheny, what brings you here?

DICK CHENEY: Hi Gladys, StrawMan forgot his Briefcase in the cubicle.

GLADYS:  Oh Honey, I hope you don't have work you have to do tonight in there.

STRAWMAN: Nope, It's a briefcase full of Koch Money.  Where would the world be without Koch
                         money? I don't think I would ever want to know.

Audience: [respectful applause]

DICK CHENEY: Well you ready to go Strawman?

GLADYS:  Going out for some drinks honey?

STRAWMAN: Maybe later, but first Dick and I are going to round up some random Illegal Immigrants and 
                         check for there papers.

GLADYS:  That sounds like so much fun, go enjoy yourselves.

STRAWMAN:  I will, and when I get back I will give you your nightly beating.

GLADYS: Oh I know I deserve it. Have fun boys!

STRAWMAN:  Alright Dick lets go paint the town "White".

Audience:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA




Footnote: All Liberals who didn't get this, You're idiots.




The Morlock Revolt