Sunday, November 6, 2011

Documentary: Tea Party and OWS are Exactly the Same?

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*Disclaimer at end

Hello my name is Nigel Larkbottom and I am the renowned documentarian that has been watching social change movements since the 60’s.  Recently we have been observing the Occupy Wall Street protests around the country and we are often reminded about how the Tea Party is a mirror image of these protests as of late.  Now pesky Conservatives will try to tell you that the Tea Party is nothing more than a menagerie of Peaceful citizens gathering together to show their dissatisfaction with the current government but as my first hand research has found nothing can be further from the truth.  Let’s go back to my 2009 documentary about one particular event held in the Washington D. C.  area.  In my Documentary, entitled “Tea Party, We Party, Pee Party” I showcase the wildness of the Tea Party and you can tell very quickly that this is the twin of the Occupy Wall Street movement if not more radical.

[Tea Party, We Party, Pee Party 2009 Nigel Larkbottom]

      As I enter the Tea Party protest grounds near the Capitol of our Nation the air reeks with the smell of marijuana smoking from days and nights of endless partying and drunken revelry.  It is there where I encounter my first official Tea Partier, a middle aged insurance salesman named Dwight Heffernan from Des Moines.  He has a 18th Century Tri Fold hat perched atop a powdered wig that Dwight has fashioned into dredlocks.

NIGEL:  So Dwight, please tell me what is the purpose of this gathering.

DWIGHT:  Dude you want some weed?


DWIGHT:  Man it is some #^&$#& good $#%! Man.  I call it the Boston Tea Party Special. It’s pot and tea grounds wrapped in a tea bag. It will get you  #!%$#*&#  HIIIIIIIIIGH!

NIGEL: A tea bag?

DWIGHT: Dude you just said Teabag. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

NIGEL:  Now Dwight please tell me why you’re here. What is your reason for participating in such a historic event?

DWIGHT:  Like Liberty man and $#%! And like you know what I’m saying because $%%$@# and #$%#@#$$$% %$$$##$% **&&*&%%^*(*****^^$%^%$$%^%^&&!!@#$$ # Obama @#$$# ##@!@#%& %$%#@@! $$$###$$$$$####@#$$ @@!#$%%$$#@$#%  Pelosi %$#@%$!$#@%$#@%$!%$#@%$#@%$# $#@%$@%$# %$#@%$#@%$## #$@%$!  Dude $#!%$!%$# @^^ %#@$!$#@!$#@%$@ !$#@!$#%$@ &%#@#$!@%$^ **^%$#%$#@^#$$^ POTATOES! %$#@$#@!$#@%^%#$^#@^$#!!@#**&^%%$#$@#$#  DUDE !#$ ;^%#@#@#$$%^ $$#$$% %$# And that’s Why dude!

     Dwight’s explanation was enlightening.  I departed from the entrance and ventured deeper into the heart of the jungle of tents, tarps, and cardboard boxes that have been these participants’ home for the last few months.  I come upon a meeting where a hipster Betsy Ross addresses a crowd of Tea Partiers and goes over some of the ground rules of new comers to the protest, let’s listen.

     “My name is Janice and I’m the community spokesman.  Before we get started let me remind you that the blue port-a-potty is not actually a latrine it is my office, ok so yeah.  Later I will speak and you need to repeat everything I say after I say it.  If you agree with something give a thumbs down sign and if you disagree with something give a thumbs up sign.  I know it might be confusing but stick with me if we are going to revolutionize the way the new society will communicate.  If you have a question raise your right foot and shake it.  If you think something is incorrect make an L shape  on your forehead.  If you need a clarifying statement do the ‘Running Man’ and hold a possum over your head.  If you want to talk like a pirate make your finger into a hook and cover your left eye.  And If you need to use the restroom simply do the pee pee dance.”

     I notice that the Police have become an ever increasing presence in the protest grounds and the Tea Partiers do not seem to take to the unwanted intruders.  At one event I witnessed a pantless man dressed as Abraham Lincoln squatted over the hood of a Police cruiser and shouted “I’m about to build a ‘Log Cabin’ on this Beyotch!”  The rioting is also getting worse as 100’s of Tea Partiers rush the Riot police time and time again.  They shout “Hey Hey Ho Ho this increasingly intrudeing Government that trample on our liberties and personal freedom has got to go!”  And the Crowd favorite “What do We Want? Liberty!  When do we want it? As soon as we elect a majority of people that support liberty minded ideas and will vote that way once elected to Congress and or the White House!”

     In the Distance I hear a large number of gunshots.  I rush towards the scene where I find hundreds of protesters firing a inordinate amount of firearms into the air. One spectator said this is a daily occurrence at 2pm to highlight the 2nd amendment.  As I document this a man approaches me and says that the “Leader” of the Tea Party would like a meeting with me.  I am led to a large river of urine and fecal matter where a aluminum boat with an outboard motor is waiting for us to disembark.  We travel with my new companions down the putrid stream all along passing remnants of what used to be humanity.   A cardboard fortress grows larger in the foreground.  We step off the boat and led down a long dark corridor where I am introduced to the leader of this pack of miscreants.  She is an Elderly woman wearing an American flag bikini named Grandmother Hellspawn.

GRANDMOTHER HELLSPAWN:  Hello I see you have finally arrived.

NIGEL: Yes thank you for seeing me.  What is it you wanted to tell me?

GRANDMOTHER HELLSPAWN:  Only that we the Tea Party will take over this country in a violent revolution the likes that no one has ever seen HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  We will confirm everything the President thinks about us. Everything Obama has said that we will do will come to fruition.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[White House Bedroom of The Obamas]


MICHELLE OBAMA:  Barack! Wake up you’re asleep you were having a nightmare!

BARACK:  No it wasn’t a nightmare, it was a wonderful dream. Sigh…….if only.

*Disclaimer: If you think that in any way I am serious you are retarded. Also you need to look up the definition of satire if you are smart enough to use a dictionary.  

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